Having children is not what I expected

I have always wanted to be a mom but not in the way you are probably thinking. When I was a little girl I didn’t walk around my house with a baby doll. I just knew that when I grew up and got married that I wanted to have children. Although, the desire to carry children was never there. Even though both of my pregnancies were dreams (no morning sickness, did gain too much weight, no medical issues) I still didn’t enjoy being pregnant. When you are pregnant all eyes are on you and not is where my happy place is. What I didn’t realize is that being a parent is not what I thought it was. If you have children you are probably nodding your head. If you don’t have children, well don’t get freaked out but it is probably different than you think.

 

I didn’t realize the sacrifice it took to raise a child. I knew that you have to be sacrificial, but to be a loving parent you have to put the good of the child above your wants. Yes, it sounds elementary until it is 2 in the morning and you haven’t had that much sleep and your child is screaming in the other room. Or, if your child is sensitive you have to put away your pride and expectations of how you think they ought to react and teach them slowly step by step how to behave. Heck putting on a sock is far more difficult than you think it is. (this may be just my child) If I do it right, and I don’t always, I will remember how angry I would get to the point of crying when parts of my hamburger would fall on the ground. My poor parent would turn around to see what was wrong and I can’t remember them being angry with me. So when my little boy falls out on the floor because he can’t put his sock on I remember those days and try to release all the frustration that is welling up inside of me. It says in Proverbs 15:1 A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. I am trying to apply that to my little ones. I want to lay down my feelings so that we can communicate and get through our difficult situations

Did you know that your children are people? Yes, again that seems like I am stating the obvious but think about people. People aren’t easy, they are messy and being in a relationship with them is messy. It is full of disappointment, surprises, mistakes, hurts, and joys. Children are also unfiltered. When you have a conversion with an adult you get the more polished version of them. They filter things out or give you what you can handle or what they want you to know. With small children that is not the case. It is easy to forgive a baby because of what they don’t know and what they can’t say. When they get older not so much. I have to remind myself that my son is only 4. Only 4 years on this earth and it is going to take a long time to raise the Man of God that God wants. In the midst of the moment when a big person has to deal with a little person is when it becomes hard to see the goal. There are so many questions of wither what I am doing is what he needs or understands. Also even if he doesn’t understand does that mean I don’t say or do it? Still, I am hopeful not in my own ability or strength but in the power of God. I am praying for my boys and I know that God is the only one that can take my sons’ hearts and change them. Only he can make them into Men bold, courageous, strong, gentle, full of integrity, wisdom, and compassion. One day I will look up and see those men and I will praise God for them.

Having children changes you and if you are willing to look it shows you yourself, with the help of God of course. Man, I didn’t’ realize when my son would throw fits and be so defiant how much alike we are. I don’t like to admit it but it is the truth. I have learned how to tame it and make it look dignified or even nonexistent, but inside I am flopping on the floor screaming for my way. I didn’t even realize how disobedient I was until one day. My son was jumping on the couch and I told him to stop. So he slowly bounced across the couch to a sitting position. That is when I said, “delayed disobedience is still disobedience” and that is when God said “yes it is ” I mentally turned to God and was like “Aww man!” I am slow to obey God like my son is slow to obey me. That was a turning point in my relationship with God. He was pointing out a lot of stuff in my soul at the time. My children have become somewhat of a mirror to me. Checking my own obedience and love for my heavenly father. I also seek God more for guidance and as a picture of how I should react to my own children.

 

Children are a blessing and people rarely see them that way. Kids aren’t the time sucks, or the money eaters they aren’t the little angles either. They are blessing from God that you steward in order to make God’s name great. They are amazing little people full of potential and full of Love if you show them how. They are funny too. Very funny and weird. Being a parent is awesome. I used to like children from afar now I got to love children in all situations.

sick on the couch 3-design photographer

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